Dorothy is finally home!

Toto, I've got a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore

Dorothy Gale, Wizard of oz

It’s not where you go it’s who you meet along the way

6th July 2023

Dorothy has finally made it to her new home! Home may not be back in Kansas, home is where ever you are loved and hopefully Dorothy will start to feel loved by me.

For the last couple of weeks I have really been struggling with my nerves. i had been putting it down to being the first PMT cycle off my anti-depressants and having some neighbour issues. But I knew deep down the neighbour issues were of my making because I just could not get my heart rate to settle down. Having passed the PMT and reasoned with myself regarding the neighbours all I had left was it was pure excitement and fear over getting Dorothy.

I had started to have a pending sense of doom cloud over me, to the point I really questioned what I was letting myself in for.

I waited to hear from Moon for the results of the MOT but I was still unsure how and when I would get her. We had some loose plans of dropping off and back and some friends as back up. This didn't help as I like to know a time something is going to end, so my anxiety levels were open-ended. I mastered a huge amount of admin and when my phone pinged my heart burst out and the racing doubled. I had initially agreed Moon would collect me and I could drive it back. But I just didn't feel ready to drive it, and particularly to see if it would get up our short, steep drive. I needed a proficient driver to try it first time. So we agreed Moon would drop it off and I would take him back.

She arrived and I was initally reassured that she didn't towere over the car park intrusivelly. Inf act she wasn't much taller than my own car with its roofracks on. They blended to gether rather well. We talked through how it all worked. As we did so more and more things transpired that brought the cloud of doom back over me. Positively he had simplified a lot of the buttons so actually it was all really basic, much easier than all the complexities of my modern car. Whilst my first goal was that I would make a cup of tea in her unfortunately the gas bottle was empty and this sized bottle is being replaced. In itself may not be a problem apart taking out a shelf to fit a bigger bottle, but may mean the fittings all have to be changed! And then the water pump didn't work. Moon went through all the electric wiring and was frustrated as he had had it working to date. Something for my dad to look at with the electrics :-) So its a portable stove and bottle of water for now! It was reassuring that the traditional roof racks I had bought for £20 on ebay for my kayak were adjustable so there would be no issue with fit and Moon would drop me off some fresh new bolts and washers while I gave it a fresh paint job :-)

On my return I decided to brave it and turn the engine on and and move it into more convenient space for the neighbours. Which took me a good 10 minutes to work out and my neighbours getting involved as the key just wouldn't turn. I tried all of them and only one seemed to fit...but it turned out another one did fit and this was the one I needed! I got her into reverse easy enough and moved her stiff steering back...but then trying to find first seemed impossible. Moon did warn me about this because she had been converted from a left handed drive to right hand. Again my neighbour helped me find her point and we got her forward, with a lot of stalling. it later transpired that I had the hand brake on the whole time as I had not realised where it even was! This reassures me that next time it won't feel half as bad to drive!. Also that Moon was able to get it up the drive with a little tap to the exhaust pipe but nothing problematic. I am still a little worried those low gears will be too tricky to find while driving but Moon reassured he could readjust them a bit more if needed. I just need to start getting a feel of her.

After all this drama I decided to lock up and head back inside home with the pile of docoments that had come with it. I starting sorting them in my usual manic OCD way but the cloud was still hovering over me. I felt completely overwhelmed with all that I would need to do to get it where I felt at home with her. I think the smell of oil and how grubby it was was not helping, it just felt like a big peice of machine that could break down easily on me and I had no idea how to fix. It didn't feel like a fun cosy home. I think this has been one of my biggest fears this last week, that it won't go far without blowing up.! I imagine this sense of its vulnerability is a bit like bringing home a baby and worrying if you don't watch over it it will just stop breathing. But I reassured myself I now had RAC cover for that and a local mechanic to fix her. But was I really just going to be throwing money constantly at her? What was I really going to get back for it?

I sat and took a breathe, trying to just take a break and relax in the tv. I couldn't focus. I had so many things I had already decided I wanted to get started on but hated everything about doing any of it. The neighbours were not hovering around outside and it was quiet so I decided I would go and hunt for the colour code number which had been bothering me for weeks. I really wanted to know what her original colour was to possibly honour this or at least get a closer red to the original than what it was. I didn't find the code but did start hunting around the van to see what goodies the previous owner had left me. I found wheel ramps, a portable cooker, a jack, some plastic cutlery and a random plate and cup. Also found a few little secret cupboards which was fun. The intrusive neighours had since returned but just sitting in my van I realised this gave me some space away from them without having to even go anywhere!

Feeling a bit more settled I was happy to go back in. On arrival I was greeted by a curious Albi who wanted to find out why I had kept going outside. So he let me put him on his leash and I decided to tick off another thing from my list and see how he took to van life. He seemed to love it. It was like perfect sized assault course circuit for him to climb around, along the kitchen surfaces and onto the front seats. The traditional slatted windows were perfect for him to get fresh air but not be at risk of escaping. I had hoped that somehow we could utilise the hammock beds for Albi but it turned out they had been removed and only to storage canvas remained. We considered removing them but in doing so I think this exposes a lot of internal wall that would need complete new decor. I quite like the character of the hammocks holders and may be able to adapt something for Albi from them. He did his usual routine of standing up onto the dashboard to check out the view. He then headed to his regular settling place in the back window. The boot space (which turns into the bed) turned out to be a perfect space to set him up for when he is travelling as when I take him in the car he finds his way onto the back window sill. He will need to be a bit more contained than in the car as there is much more space to wander around and him to fall if he had free reign. But there is potential.

This added to increasing my reassurance and in sitting there I decided the first job had to be to give it a damn good scrub inside because it stunk of oil and to remove all the sticker from the previous ownerand give myself a blank canvas to start making my mark on it. That way I could see what needed repair or decorating. I could already see there was curtain velcro to be replaced as the glue had turned yellow and the curtains were solidly made so may die them once I decide on a colour scheme. There was a solid grey fabric covering the panelling throughout the bus that just needed a good scrub for now. In time it could be replaced by a nice fabric.

I could go and get a gas bottle in my lovely clean and fresh car. My friends reassured me that I didn't need to hurry to drive it, just hang out it and start to make friends with her, even spend the night in her, that way I would fear her less when driving. I think this is a good plan and so I think tonight I may now sleep well without that pending sense of doom.

One yellow brick at a time (wizard of oz reference if you hadn't worked it out). I have the brain, I have the heart and I am starting to regain the courage that this might just be ok :-)